Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
