Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
