god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
