I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
