I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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