I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
