Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
