I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
