when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
