I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
