i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
