He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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