Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
