We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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