Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
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