Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
