Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
