Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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