you would pick up someone in the library
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
