Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
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