Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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