I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I intend to get homeless drunk
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
