yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
