Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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