I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
