why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
