My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Small penises have feelings too.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
