I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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