i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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