After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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