My hair reeks of homosexuality.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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