So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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