I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
