So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
