the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
