I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
