Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
