The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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