I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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