I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
