why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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