just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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