You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The air was thick with penises
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
