Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
