this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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