I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
