i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
