They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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