You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I want to be your penis for a week.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
