God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
